Letters to Tender Heart

Letters to Tender Heart

Be More. Be You.

Dear Heart:

Have you ever heard the term “Wallflower?” No? How about this one – “Shrinking violet?” Still nothing? Well then, I’ll tell you.

Both of these terms, at least in some way, refer to being shy, withdrawn in some form, or making yourself smaller than you really are. You’ve been doing that a lot lately, and I think I might understand why.

It seems as though you have all of a sudden bought into this ridiculous notion that you should make yourself smaller for the sake of those around you. It absolutely astounds me that you would ever be willing to put yourself in that position, because the Heart I have always known has been able to fill up any space with an ease I haven’t seen many others be able to master. I don’t understand why you’re choosing smallness for yourself, Heart.

It just doesn’t fit. You aren’t small. You are magnificent, in every way and capacity that word intends. To reduce or diminish that brilliance in any way, well, you’re doing a disservice not only to yourself but to all those around you.

You bring something – I honestly don’t even know how to really put it into words, it’s that special – that no one else can bring to this world. It is unique to you. It is a confidence, an easy grace, a leaning into fear, a simplicity, and an instinctual ability to trust in the unknown and make it work. That, and so much more. Heart, it is irreplaceable.

You are irreplaceable.

Part of me wonders if you are trying to make yourself less, in an effort to feel like you better fit to the world around you. I think that’s ridiculous. You weren’t meant to fit to the world, Heart. The world was meant to fit to you.

Let me explain.

When you try to make yourself smaller for the sake of others, to fit to their liking or expectations, you’re diminishing your worth. The value you bring to the world is incredible, and should not be sacrificed for anything or anyone. I know sometimes you feel like you have to be smaller in order to give other people space to feel better about themselves, and while I think that’s incredibly noble of you, it’s not your responsibility to do that work for them. If you’re sacrificing a part of yourself for the sake of someone else, then who’s really achieving anything? It just becomes a vicious cycle of you feeling worse so they can feel better, and then in return, them sacrificing and feeling worse so you can feel better.

Please be more. Be more, because I know you’re capable of so much more. But I know something else too, Heart. You worry so much about everyone else, and wanting other people to feel positive about themselves, really because that’s simply a reflection of how much you love and how empathetic you can be. I know you’re so willing to sacrifice yourself for the sake of others, but I also know this – when you live up to your full potential, without sacrificing any part of yourself or making yourself smaller, you pull other people up to a higher level with you.

People thrive when you are thriving. They see the way you move, the way you feel, the way you function, and they all of a sudden start working on emulating that. They cope better. They take care of themselves better. They laugh more, and love more. They start to see the bigger picture again, instead of focusing on what feels the worst. I know how important all of these things are to you Heart, and how you only ever want the best for people.

Wanting the best for people begins with wanting the best for yourself. It is about becoming more, not less. It is about being the best version of you, and then some. Wanting the best for yourself is about ultimate self-love, unapologetic authenticity, and living to your fullest potential while cutting yourself slack when you deserve a little slack. It is about accepting nothing less than the best that you have earned. It is impossible for you to support other people in doing that for themselves if you are not doing it for yourself first.

Heart, please stop shrinking yourself. Stop making yourself smaller to try to please everyone else. It’s not pleasing anyone when you make yourself less. It only takes a light away from the world, which the world so very desperately needs.

Be more. Be you.


You are a light like none other, and I am better for knowing you.

I love you,



Get connected with a community that will help you Be more. Be you. Check out SHFT.

**This post originally appeared on the SHFT blog**

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